Having been miraculously healed himself, John wondered whether God was being selective or just silent. Then one day, while playing with their dog Cosley, he saw an analogy which has helped them approach Nancy’s chronic illness and one of life’s most difficult questions: knowing and even seeing God’s ability to intervene, how do we cope when He doesn’t?

When John lifted Nancy from her feet at their wedding 20 years ago, it wasn’t to celebrate their union — it was because she couldn’t walk. “For me, the day holds bittersweet memories,” says John. “For Nancy it holds no memories at all.”

Nancy has been the victim of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, an immune system disorder which paralyzed her arms and legs, and weakened her memory. “We have pictures and a video of the wedding, but I don’t remember any of it,” said Nancy, now 44, from their home in Madison, Wisconsin.

When she should have been honeymooning, Nancy was in and out of comas for three weeks in a St. Louis hospital. No one thought she would live.

“It’s a good thing we got married,” said Nancy, “because when I finally came to, things were so bad, I’m not sure I would have fought to live.”

Like so many people confronted by tragedies, injustices, or chronic diseases, John and Nancy have struggled to reconcile their still-vibrant faith with a lifetime of seemingly random rises and falls in Nancy’s health.

God’s direct intervention. This “dark night” in their lives was particularly excruciating for John since he had astounding evidence of God’s miraculous power in his own life, he said. “In the summer of 1983, after my left shoulder was separated, I asked God to heal me.”

Buoyed in faith through his reading about Jesus’ earthly ministry, and believing that God was “the same yesterday, today and forever,” he prayed. “God’s answer came immediately and my shoulder was fully healed and restored.”

That same summer, John was inspired by Jesus’ words in Mark 11:23-24: “Whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart,…he will have whatever he says. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”

While John was biking that summer, he was caught in a thunderstorm, and asked God to confirm this promise. “I commanded the storm to stop in the name of Jesus. Seeing no change in the storm, I rode out from under a tree into the storm, believing that what I had spoken would be brought about through my faith in God.”

What happened next was even more “strange and marvelous” than had the storm stopped itself, he said. “I rode out and, though it was raining all around me, not a single drop fell on me. I rode about 6 miles home in this way, quite astonished.”

On the other hand, he saw God’s protection as consistent with his belief in an intimate God.

When silent, is God being selective?

The question is, why doesn’t it happen all the time? For years John wondered at God’s apparent partiality and variable treatment of his subjects.

Soon Nancy would suffer a deadly fungal sinus infection. “It was eating away parts of my head and moving toward my brain,” explained Nancy.

Medicines that were offered as “cure alls” had side effects that began to take a major toll, causing high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. Chemotherapy brought hair and weight loss. “Then I got the Cushing’s Syndrome that distorted my physique so I began to look like a gremlin,” she said.

“We had to choose between powerful medicines that would kill more slowly and buying time in hope that something better would come along.”

Normally bubbly and outgoing, Nancy was weary and exhausted. “I lost confidence and blamed myself,” she said. “The biggest toll was my loss of vivacity.”

“I had always been a highly active athlete,” said Nancy, “and the energy and ability were always there to do what I wanted. But the Lupus and drugs sucked the very life out of me, and I had to go through a grieving process of losing my youth and former self. It was getting late to do what I always wanted to do in life.”

The Campbells felt like they must have already received their quota of miracles. Coaxing God seemed out of the question. Yet John’s deep love for Nancy sustained him, he said.

“My decision to marry Nancy was the only instance I’ve had in my life of having clear direction from God, and I’ve never regretted it. But watching Nancy go through this, my youthful optimism was beaten raw,” said John.

“During the first 18 months of our marriage I called into question nearly every belief I have ever held. I know I was commanded to love God, and I did my best on that account. But I know of no command to like Him, and for a long time I didn’t.

“I loved God with a coolness that would be best described as resigned obedience – meaning, you’re bigger; you win. For the longest time I could not pray. The toughest part is knowing that God could heal her but hasn’t.”

Finally John relinquished his right to understand. Then one day, while playing with their dog Cosley, he saw an analogy which has helped the Campbells live in the tension between their faith and the cross they were being asked to bear.

When God puts away the Reese’s Pieces

“My dog Cosley’s favorite candy was Reese’s Pieces,” explained John. “I share what I have with my buddy, and she doesn’t stop me. We’re buddies. So when I pull out an eight-ounce bag of Reese’s Pieces, she thinks I am a good guy. I agree, and flip her a few. Then she thinks I am a really good guy,” he laughs.

“But the next thing you know I am putting a twist tie on the bag and returning what’s left to the refrigerator. My dog has a real problem with the concept of leftovers. Her motto is, ‘Why eat tomorrow what can be eaten today?’ Now the good guy is a bad guy – borderline wicked.”

John imagined what must go through the mind of a dog, and much more a human, who suffers loss. “I see Cosley sulking and thinking, ‘Hey, one minute we’re buddies having a good time. Then in some act of fickle caprice, the party is over before the food is gone. What is John’s problem? Was it something I did? Maybe I didn’t beg hard enough. Maybe I offended him.”

Considering Cosley’s limited understanding helped the Campbell’s cope with their own, they say.

“The problem is unresolved,” said John, “partly because, though I can understand dog language, she is incapable in her present state of understanding why I won’t give her everything she wants. I have tried to explain it, but it is not within her ability to grasp.”

Tantalizing signs of improvement

The Campbells still believe in healing, though they know that at times they will only, in the words of St. Paul, “see through a glass darkly” in this world.

“Our faith hangs its hat on more than healing,” said John. “Since I have learned to lay my hurts aside enough to come to God as a pot before it’s potter, I have felt His welcome.”

Ironically, when John and Nancy had given up on rhymes and reasons, they again saw tantalizing signs of improvement, the kind that families of the deathly sick long for.

“They said the sinus infection would kill me,” said Nancy, “and I had no choice but to take a medicine that would destroy my kidney function.”

But the Campbells prayed over her failing kidneys and she recovered. “They had never seen that happen,” said Nancy. “Now I’m a case study.”

In 1998, after Nancy endured the maximum amount of chemotherapy doctors will give, the Cambells turned to a Toronto-based “naturalpathic” doctor who prescribed a homeopathic diet including herbs. “Now I don’t take medication at all,” said Nancy, “and I’m the healthiest I’ve been.”

This again reversed many assumptions they had held, and taught them to stop looking to this world for their ultimate confirmation of God’s care for their lives. Instead they try to follow the example of Cosley, whom they have now outlived, who would nestle up to them in love each night, assured of their affection — even without the candy.

“To her credit, Cosley still accepted the premise of my essential goodness,” said John. “It’s just that some of my actions appeared arbitrary and unloving. Then again, she could have assumed that these appearances reflected her own lack of wisdom and understanding. That is what I assume when God puts away our Reese’s Pieces.”

© 2012 Todd Svanoe. Unauthorized reproduction of this copyrighted material is prohibited.

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